tiny stupid crises
Here's hoping this makes you feel better about yourself
I turned 55 this week and am generally fine about it. I mean, obviously the alternative is to be continuously despondent about aging or to just die, and neither of those things appeals.
However, this means I’ve been in a perimenopausal state now for (at least) 10 years - it’s supposedly the end of the “general” timeline for this particular malady, which nobody actually knows any goddamn thing about, apparently. Seriously, please look at that article from Johns Hopkins Medicine; it essentially says “We Wish We Could Help” in a variety of font sizes & formats. I am acutely aware of all the symptoms, which I have had in varying degrees on different days [for 10+ years], as well as the 7000 recommended remedies [that I have tried and cried about] and I’m exhausted.
I especially love this part of the page:
Perimenopause does not need to be treated unless symptoms are bothersome.
…when I say “love” I mean “want to murder”. Johns Hopkins, please define “bothersome.”
Some recent examples of my symptoms:
Going to bed with fjord feet then waking up at 2am sweating like I’ve been hiking at the equator
Constant aches in places that get no strenuous activity - the side of my left thumb and tops of my toe bones
Revisiting a small panic every day/hour about where I’m supposed to be, particularly re: doctor appointments [where, incidentally, we never talk about the scourge of premenopause; I’m going to start calling it Bruno]
Rage about my enchilada coming undone as I scooped it out of the pan
Crying through Post Malone’s Tiny Desk Concert
Watching Post Malone’s Tiny Desk Concert two more times
Gleefully buying a glass dry erase calendar for my office, trying earnestly to find markers that work on it + can be seen from my desk then being severely disappointed in its unusability, weeping, and wanting to break it into shards with a hammer
Any text exchange with my husband
Anyway. Everything at any given moment feels like a tiny crisis to me but then I take a deep breath and recalibrate (thanks, Andy & Kessonga!). Sometimes I make myself ride the stationary bike and listen to a podcast; sometimes I eat more chocolate.
Here are some things I really love [not want to murder] at 55:
Free stuff on my birthday
My grey hair
Blouses
Early dinner reservations
My prescription sunglasses
AirBnbs in Palm Springs
Candles with names like Sunny Kind of Love
Thrift store books
Salons that let me see the names of nail polish before I choose
Clever graffiti
Let me know what you’re loving/not murdering these days. I have to get to a doctor appointment now.
P. S. Those fucking things do not come out of the wall.
How did I miss this? And how did the JH list of symptoms fail to mention the beard growth?
Thank you for introducing me to Post Malone. I'd heard the name before but until this very day, thanks to your link, I'd never knowingly heard the music. ♥
When my doctor told me two years ago that I had officially hit menopause, I cheered. Alas, my dream of being a perpetually chilly older lady who needs to wear a sweater in the summer has not yet been realized. So I remain perpetually grateful for AC.